139 Responses to:
A LETTER FROM A FRIEND

# 1. 9/26/02 12:32 AM - Newport, RI
This column brought tears to my eyes. I was touched by Reverend Fox's openness and honesty. I've known someone who experienced a gender identity crisis. It's a form of hell on earth. You're response, Bob, was so poignant. Maybe you'll get some heat for it. But it was loving, kind and appropriate. I'm proud of you. You're kind of a cool guy...lol.

# 2. 9/26/02 12:33 AM by KAG - Henrietta, NY
Very well written, Bob!!! We are all praying for you Rev. Fox.

# 3. 9/26/02 1:03 AM by jerry - avon ny
Hi Bob, Your reply to pastor fox,s letter was beautiful and genuine. I am deeply saddened by the pain he and his family are suffering. I believe your advise was correct andiI will pray for him too.As a "retired" city paramedic I recall his genuine careing for the peaple at open door, a place we were called to often. This announcement in no way takes away from the good he has done , or his humanity but rather shows how tragity can happen even to good peaple.

# 4. 9/26/02 2:16 AM by albert vallone - livonia ny
You are trying to push the guy back in the closet.

What is so terrible about accepting him as he is rather than who you thing he should be?

Editor's Note: More deep thought from the backwoods.

# 5. 9/26/02 5:20 AM by Jim - Rochester
Rev Fox is as close as one can come to a living saint in our community. This must have been a extremely difficult decision for him. How about an address where we can send our love and support?

Editor's Note: How about your love and support go to the Open Door Mission?

# 6. 9/26/02 5:51 AM
OUCH!

# 7. 9/26/02 5:54 AM by Satan - Hell
Devil - 1

Heavenly Father - 0

I snatched up one more right in front of your eyes and this one had direct connections with my counterpart!

# 8. 9/26/02 6:03 AM - Sue -- Rochester
Seldom am I at a loss for words. Your article actually took my breath away. I knew nothing of this about Ken Fox. I knew him indirectly when I worked with the homeless in another facility. I considered him a light for the Lost. Now it seems that he has lost his way; in need of our prayers and compassion. His plight weights heavy on my heart as I think of the anguish he must have endured for years. His biggest mistake was to look within himself for peace and comfort -- to the place where we harbor our secret horrors. Though his beacon may not be shining as it once was he hasn't been abandoned by our Lord and Savior. Mr. Fox needs to look up, not inward, for guidance. God's love for him hasn't faded and never will. God bless you, Rev. Fox. It is our turn to extend to you the mercy and kindness you gave others for many years.

# 9. 9/26/02 6:05 AM by devin - rochester, ny
wow, am i really writing this? like everyone else, i was shocked by this report yesterday. and then last night as i flipped to the news, before i had a chance to think---i swear---"man, janet reno's hair sure got long all of a sudden!" i realized i was watching the reverend fox, sitting as a woman, giving a brief interview regarding his recent decisions. i was even more dumbfounded. i've met ken fox and have great respect for him but i'm at a total loss right now as to what to think.

i applaud your loyalty to your friend, bob. it took guts to write what you did today. support doesn't have to mean all-out acceptance. we love people better when we love the truth first. i also will be praying for reverend fox and his family. "faithful are the wounds of a friend..."

Editor's Note: It will be important for the community to separate its feelings for Ken Fox from the message he is not peddling. His claims of "gender identity dysphoria" are nonsense, and the example he is setting for the community is damaging and wrong. Ken Fox did good for Rochester, the "Kaye Fox" character seems poised to do harm.

# 10. 9/26/02 6:07 AM
Dear Kaye,

You make one hell of an ugly woman.

Give it up!

# 11. 9/26/02 6:16 AM by Bruce - Rochester
Some people ride Harleys; some drive Cadillacs, and some are more comfortable riding sidesaddle. I believe that MY God doesn't judge (wo)men by what's outside either in terms of clothing or genitals; rather what is in their heart, and the good (or evil) they have done in life.

When the time comes, I believe that Kaye Fox will stand before God, and hear the words 'Welcome my good and faithful servant"

Editor's Note: I hope I'm there to see the surprise on your face.

# 12. 9/26/02 6:17 AM - Webster NY
...Pastor Bob, where is your local congregation? I need to become a member of your following...yes, the ministry needs more dedicated, honest ministers like you..you know your Bible and your faith just radiates...I agree with you; that it's just the way that Kaye will deliver her message from God..our bodies here are indeed temples to our God...so, if he is now a she...if she continues to still give us the same loving messages from God, so what if it's a male or female deliveryperson?

Editor's Note: He is a he. Assertions to the contrary are neither accurate nor honest.

# 13. 9/26/02 6:19 AM by Tom Dey - Springwater, NY
If Kaye's discovery only affected her, I guess it's just no one else's business or concern. But the wife, family, friends and flock are adversely affected. Did she ask you to read it on the radio as a coming out, search for actualization, or cry in the wilderness? That's about all I can say. Your response was compassionate - she certainly has one good friend left.

# 14. 9/26/02 6:25 AM by Donna - Rochester
Bob, I am still stunned by this disclosure. I have never met Mr. Fox, but have followed & respected his ministry in this community for many years. I know several people who have volunteered at the Open Door Mission & have found it a positive, life changing experience. Now, my heart is broken for this man & his family. Bob, thank you for the way that you handled this whole matter. I'm glad that Mr. Fox trusted you to introduce this to the community. On your show yesterday & in your column today, you showed Mr. Fox respect, compassion & genuine love. Hopefully, you have set the tone for those of us who will discuss this sensitive news & those who come in contact with him to be that of honestly, compassion & prayerfulness, and not condemnation.

# 15. 9/26/02 6:33 AM by Kevin - Rochester
Actually,He looks better with hair!!!Seriously though,Nobody knows but ourselves,the personal Hells we all carry with us.It's sad the damage this has wrought and the damage it will bring.

# 16. 9/26/02 6:34 AM
What an arrogant, judgmental jerk you are, Lonsberry.

# 17. 9/26/02 6:38 AM - Rochester, NY
Bob, you infuriate me. Slight of hand and a little pretty writing will not cover the fact that you are homophobic. Many people are too smart for your antics. Hopefully someday you will learn to accept those who are different than you and graciously take criticism from those who disagree with you.

# 18. 9/26/02 6:52 AM by Roxana - Bergen
Your response was very compassionate and true. Whenever we look to ourselves or others we will not find what we need. Only God can give us peace.

# 19. 9/26/02 6:58 AM by Tom Donovan - Oneonta, NY
Let's see... This guy realizes he'd be happier as a women and that earns him a seat next to Hitler? Another example of Christianity's twisted outlook.

# 20. 9/26/02 7:02 AM
Ms. Fox must follow her heart and stand firm in her beliefs. Just because she is a woman, does not make her any less a person of God. Maybe your God doesn't understand and breathes fire and brimstone at you, but My God is a loving and understanding God, who sends trials and tribulations my way in order to strengthen and guide me along his way. Ms. Fox doesn't answer to you in any way; just to herself and God.

Editor's Note: Hmm, your god gave Ken two genders and you no name. Hardly seems fair.

# 21. 9/26/02 7:12 AM by Amy - LeRoy
A reasoned, thoughtful, and respectful response to a devastating letter. Your faith, and reminder call for his faith is a model for the community at large. Thank you for so publicly responding with such love, respect, and honesty.

# 22. 9/26/02 7:13 AM by Moody Broad
Hey Bob,

If Reverend Fox ever had to deal with PMS I'd bet he'd change his mind.

# 23. 9/26/02 7:16 AM by Steve
My sister knew him/her. I kind of respected, looked up to him. I am shocked. I think today Bob after writing your letter you will see how intolerant the gay community is to anyone who disagrees with them. Very sad.

# 24. 9/26/02 7:17 AM by Andy Rooney - 60 Minutes
Did you ever wonder why someone so respected would do something so ridiculous?

Can you say "where was Ridalin back then?"

# 25. 9/26/02 7:17 AM by Steve - Marion, NY
Bob,

What a shocker... I couldn't believe it when I heard it on the 5 o'clock news hour on WHAM. He was in our church many times. We took our kids to the mission to help serve. We too love him and hurt for him and are confused by this. How do you explain this to six, ten and sixteen year old daughters?

# 26. 9/26/02 7:23 AM
Sodom and Gomorra come to mind!

# 27. 9/26/02 7:25 AM by Alan Adair - Canadice, N.Y.
Circumstances such as these should cause us all to stop and reflect. Not about Rev. Fox but about ourselves. Yesterdays good cannot take away the possibilities of what might happen today. Jesus said "Take no thought for tomorrow for tomorrow will take thought for itsself. Sufficient unto today is the evil therein." Every day is a battle. And sadly most lose more than they win. From what I hear of the man, Ken Fox has won more than he lost.

# 28. 9/26/02 7:27 AM by Dave
I used to bring my family to Reverend Fox's Masses at a camp ground we use to visit.

Now I feel it was all wasted time.

# 29. 9/26/02 7:36 AM by Heather - Brockport, USA
A mighty tower of charity in our region has been attacked by satan, and stuck down. If only the river of tears from the mourning righteous could put out his fire, and fill the hole of loneliness that was left behind.

Ken Fox , party of one, your Savior is ready.

To bind you up, to rebuild you. to put away the lies that have ravaged you.

To silence those who glory in your shame. Who are rejoicing over what has happened to you.(we know who you are).

To restore what the locusts of confusion have eaten. Your family. Your ministry. Your life.

But until you come back, know this...they who destroy our towers in New York abuse and terrorize their own women back home.In breaking your marriage vow, you have dealt treacherously with your woman, wife of your youth. And if men knew what women go through, every month, during childbirth, during menopause,,they would embrace their manhood, and cherish their woman. Not destroy them. Or break covenant with them. If the Rev Ken Fox is a beauty queen of good works, and faith and charity, Then Kaye Stockton Fox is the burqa your demonic attacker has forced you to wear. I pray for your speedy liberation.

Editor's Note: Good points, but it got kind of whacky there at the end.

# 30. 9/26/02 7:41 AM by Dave - Webster, NY
Bob,

Like Reverend Fox, I have to make an announcement. I too have been living a lie. I am not what people think I am. I actually feel I am Tiger Woods and must now live as though I am him.

Now if I could just learn how to play golf!

# 31. 9/26/02 7:48 AM
You know, the guy never wore a wig before and accepted his bald head the way God intended it. Now for some reason he sprouts a wig. What gives with his acceptance of the Lord's wisdom of handing out hair to some and not to others.

# 32. 9/26/02 7:52 AM by Davis - N. Chili, NY
I'm still in disbelief over this announcement. For such a man to slap his Creator in the face and essentially tell Him, "You messed up, God. How silly of You to give me male anatomy!" is a bit more than I can process. But thankfully I don't have to make sense of it. This is between Ken and the One who made him; the One who fearfully and wonderfully made Ken Fox.

# 33. 9/26/02 7:54 AM
Somebody has been spiking his Holy Water!

# 34. 9/26/02 8:00 AM
Bob,

What is happening to me? It seems like every day I hear something so ridiculous and I just shake my head and go on with life.

Am I becoming immune to this type of trash?

# 35. 9/26/02 8:06 AM by jj - rochester, ny
I think "Kaye" has misled us. He didn't lose his family/career/etc., he left them. He needs to realize this.

Like many other sins, it is selfish acts that result in family and friends being deeply hurt.

But as you have said, Bob, there is hope for healing.

jj

# 36. 9/26/02 8:14 AM
To #31, that's why it's called MALE pattern baldness not FEMALE pattern.

# 37. 9/26/02 8:15 AM by rjs - Rochester, NY
It dosn't matter if he bagan his life as a frog. The man/woman has done nothing but try to make life a little better for other people. If you agree or disagree with his methods also makes no difference. He does what many of us should be doing, making life easier and better for those around us. Good for him.

# 38. 9/26/02 8:23 AM by Rainbow believer - avon, NY
Bob you are a narrow-minded, judgemental, holier than thou, bastard. You don't love this person, you just want to change her back to what YOU think is right. With friends like you, Kaye doesn't need enemies. Who do you think you are, God's personal judge, jury & executioner?

# 39. 9/26/02 8:25 AM
Dear Mr. Fox, What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which he have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therfore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron; Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.

# 40. 9/26/02 8:34 AM
Jerry Springer,

Come Out, Come Out, Where ever you are!

# 41. 9/26/02 8:35 AM by Erika - Rochester, NY
A surprise perhaps, but maybe not one more sign of Armeggedon.

If it were me he had told, I would call him Kay, as that is what he wishes to be called, and perhaps is even his legal name now.

The pronouns stay masculine unless he has actually been through the operation.

And I would let God take care of God's own business. Frankly I think God has little concern what wig and clothes Kay wears, though I am sure God is very concerned about Kay's decision to put his own needs over his family's.

There is no need to embrace the change, which seems to have caused harm to the innocents Ken loved, but as a previous commenter said, there is no need to buy Kay a seat next to Hitler yet either. God loves us in spite of our folley. Sometimes our friends do too.

# 42. 9/26/02 8:36 AM by Jim Deacon - Ontario, ny
Unlike Bob Lonsberry I DON'T like Ken Fox. He's a spiteful, vindictive, hypocritical man and I have no reason to think he'd be any different as a woman. Rev Fox is the epitome of a wolf in sheep's clothing. Never-the-less his decision to "come out" explains alot about the demons that drove him. Pray, instead, for Judy, Ronnie, Sharon, Candice, and all those on staff at ODM who were let down so unceremoniously.

# 43. 9/26/02 8:37 AM by Bubba
Bubba don't want no Jimmy Swaggert type!

# 44. 9/26/02 8:49 AM by Kate - Fairport
Dear Bob,

Tell him to get over himself. Who cares what sexual preference he is or what gender. Why do people think it's necessary to "come out". NO ONE CARE!!!

# 45. 9/26/02 9:00 AM by lee - stanley ny
Good Morning Bob: It must have been very hard for you to write this morning's aricle,but I can tell that it came from your heart. I am sure that Rev Fox will find a place that will be just for her. There is always a need for God's work. You are right that it does'nt meanthat you have to fit in a mold. Thank you Bob for giving Rev Fox peace. I'm sure that it means a lot. Lee

# 46. 9/26/02 9:01 AM by Pete
Sadly, I believe that Kaye will likely die lonely and heartbroken. Without the love of a spouse or the love of ones children to comfort that person in the hours of need. The love of ones God can be very lonely in those dark hours. A little ray of light can help, especially the light that family has to give.

A note to our friends in Utah. You think you have it bad, check this out:

The past month in the history of Rochester goes a little like this: Mayor "Pissed Off". Rev. Fox is not a man. Xerox being probed for mischievous acts.

# 47. 9/26/02 9:08 AM by Art - Rochester
This is one of the prices of freedom.

Ken Fox has the right to do whatever he likes with his own life provided he doesn't demand that someone else pay the bill for it... right up to and including self mutilation.

The freedom to choose includes the right to choose badly for oneself. Ken Fox made a choice.

The reverend's sins are between God and himself. I share your hope that he eventually recovers what he has lost.

# 48. 9/26/02 9:09 AM by Gina - Walworth
Wow. My husband and I watched the news last night with our mouths dropped open. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Is the whole world gone stark raving loony?

Thank you, Bob, for your honest and courageous stand.

Just because we "feel" a certain way, doesn't mean we act on it. If I or my husband acted on our many different feelings--which are so tenuous-- over the years, our marriage would be in a shambles, our kids devastated and our lives also a wreck.

God is Love, but He is also just. Many times we must do what is right, rather than just "carpe diem," as the world exhorts us.

What a selfish, selfish act. I don't pray for Mr. Fox. I pray for his wife and children and all those who have faithfully served at the Mission who are devastated by this announcement.

# 49. 9/26/02 9:10 AM
What you fail to appreciate is how incredibly difficult this decision must have been, and the high personal cost that she knew she would pay for making it. People don't make these kinds of decisions lightly, or because it's the easy way out. Your well sounding "support" for Ms. Fox is really an arrogant condemnation and pity. Your pity is not appropriate, and such a strong person would not need it if it were. What you and the rest of the community can do for Ms. Fox is to offer your respect and acceptance of her decision. Save your prayers for her to find her way again, and instead pray for those who cannot see what a glorious thing it is for a person to further discover who they are. Pray for the people who can't look past the exterior and see the person inside. Pray for the people who struggle with similar issues, that they might draw strength from Ms. Fox's example. And finally, pray for those who react with misplaced pity, or worse, hatred and violence, for people like Ms. Fox.

# 50. 9/26/02 9:11 AM by Lee Shumway - Syracuse, Utah
Morning, Bob!

I think the response scoring "one" for the devil may be premature...

As long as we live, there is hope for all of us. Ken hasn't done anything so horrible that he can't come back. When he sorts this all out, we need to remind him.

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